for a moment, i started to understand why some women chose to have a child just to keep their man around. it’s just the same thing when i was a little kid and i told my mom that i wanted to enroll the english class just to have some more play time with my friends.
i mean, as human beings, we’ve done so many same things with so many people with the motivation and the purpose behind can be totally, surprisingly different from each other, covered by “good will”, “proper” or maybe “ethical” reason. but many people never take a deeper look to their actions – why do they have to do that to get what they want? the true reason can reveal some more serious problems that may not come from that person but from, i guess, the society.
one of my highschool friends once told me that he had two kinds of extra classes – one is for “truly” studying, and one is for chitchatting. he had to do that because (1) his parents forced him to take as many after-school classes as he could even when he’s been studying all day at school, and (2) he didn’t have that much energy and concentration to fully engage in all of the classes (i mean, who could have it? lol). also, his need to spend time with other interesting and meaningful stuff in life cannot meet with that boring schedule, so he gotta do that to fulfill that need.
the same thing goes for those women. they may not want to have children, may not be ready to have a child, or for them, it’s just something which is “nice to have”. but they have a need to get a company, a life-long partner, a good connection in her life. but many of them will have to meet a lot of men who are striving to get to those standards that the society, or their family complained about for a long time – to get a woman (or two) for him, and some children that are biologically his. and not so many of them think of having a female life partner if she decides not to give birth – she cannot be his wife or something but just a side chick, something unofficial, a girlfriend, whatever. therefore, some women, even though they don’t want to, still decide to give birth – or, in other words, risk their health and many life-changing chances that they could die for it – to keep the relationship.
i wouldn’t say that those mothers don’t love their child or they’re mostly bad mothers. i just never think that people could achieve something good when they have “bad” purpose at first. but, take a deeper look, i don’t want to criticize them, like “if you don’t want kids just don’t have one” or “if you cannot love them or raise them right just don’t have one”. having no kids is a personal choice, yes. but you need to look at what people who choose that choice have to face even when they have the right to do so.
in this context, i think, happiness is something hard to get, and sometimes, maybe it’s okay to do “unethical” stuff to get it, or to feel something like that for once.
viết trên facebook, 5/6/2023. đã sửa lại câu từ một chút.