when thinking about you, i always got that feeling of emptiness, sadness, hazing undefined stuff flying around my mind. a mixture of our shared memories and what i had done in the past. long long time ago when we never knew those days together could happen.
why so? our mutual stuff seemed intertwined in some ways but we never appeared in our lives for those years. this world is so small yet cannot connect us. i wonder whether i could know someone like you before, would i be better than right now? better than thinking of you with regrets and regrets?
for many reasons, your image in my mind made me see my inferior side of myself so clearly i cannot remove it. it was like the worst reflection we all done: compare ourselves to other person. thought it motivates us to be better, but it does not work like that all the time. it may motivate us to work something out, right, but the deep reasons behind, that inferiority, no one could explain to you and it is still there no matter what.
i don’t know if i liked you or not, or feel thankful for your existence in my life, to make me become this version of myself today, or should i erase your image out of my mind eventually, like you never exist, because just that thing made me feel this uncomfortable things and it doesn’t worth my mental stability. i could love someone for my whole life without receiving anything back, just make sure they never go back again… i guess
viết trên facebook, 10/11/2022.